Tag Archives: conservatives

Brian Coleman’s Diatribe

Brian Coleman – possibly known entirely for his sexual assault in May and his subsequent expulsion from the Tory party – wrote a soul-crushing 6,000 word diatribe in which he embarks upon a verbal crusade against a number of other Councillors. A few of my personal favourites are below: 

Cllr Rowan Quigley Turner – “Decided to add his wife’s surname to his when he got married (against advise) which makes him sound like a snob or a poof or even worst a feminist”

Cllr Bridget Perry – “Brighter than she looks”

Cllr Stephen Sowerberry – “Engaged to a very nice girl he met on the Internet .”

Cllr Reuben Thompstone – “Recently married a nice girl from Nigeria he met on the Internet.”

Cllr Lisa Rutter – “always looks a million dollars despite being no spring chicken”

Besides already being a complete pariah, he decided to nonetheless publish the post knowing that he has until May 2014 before being excommunicated. Council leader Richard Cornelius responded: “It’s all very unnecessary but I’m never surprised by anything Brian does these days.” 

I prefer Gary Coleman to Brian. 

 

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Thatcher: Legacy and Legend; divisive in life and death.

First, allow me to assert that I make no intention on “bashing” the death of Thatcher. I merely wish to analyse, from my personal opinion, her role as a minister and a formidable leader. 

Indeed, she was a formidable leader. She redefined the political spectrum, and consequently the United Kingdom. She transformed us from an industrial power to a financial power house. Dubbed as a modernisation, the rate at which she transformed Britain was such that it aggravated a winter of discontent and the epoch of misery for many working class families and communities. Her role within the Conservative party was seen as an attack on the livelihood of a huge number of individuals across the north of England. She attacked the little that remained for the working classes and whoever makes an attempt on a man’s life, on a man’s liberty, on a man’s honour, inspires in us a feeling of horror analogous in every way to that which the believer experiences when his idol is profaned. 

I would argue that Thatcher’s legacy denounced Unionism and Communitarianism, forcing Britain into crass commercialisation which reduced society to nothing more than a vast apparatus of “purchase” and “exchange” on credit and debt, disguised as liberty and individualism. She made it exceedingly clear that within her society communal life is, in fact, impossible without the role and existence of interests superior to those of the individual. 

Commendations can be made upon her determination, conviction, and the role and importance for women who felt disillusioned or disenfranchised in 1980’s Britain, but as it has been made clear by Glenda Jackson this view may be somewhat distorted by an increasingly flattering press. Yes, she was a formidable leader due to the vast array of changes she made and the sheer extent of them; an excellent orator who is undoubtedly skilled in public addresses, but nonetheless an individual whose policies destroyed communities. 

However, in regards to those who have celebrated her death without the knowledge of her true impact and rather relies on hearsay may be wildly misinformed. The controversies of yesterday only give superficial expression to a more profound disagreement, and an opinion which is far more divided over a question of principle rather than a question of fact. One must hear the arguments which have been exchanged on both sides in order to reach a justified and well-judged evaluation. 

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Divisions beyond repair: Class warfare and austerity Britain

Although condemned for their free-riding of the state welfare system only recently, a horrific incident led to the massacre of six innocent children at the Philpott’s household when petrol was poured into their home, unleashing an uncontrollable blaze. 

However, as those who survived the blaze have to somehow rationalise and deal with this atrocity, Carole Malone – the notorious ultra-Tory who hates anybody that doesn’t have a 6 figure salary – argued on national television that it was, virtually, their own fault and they brought it on themselves.  “This family became a target a couple of years ago,” she argued on ITV’s This Morning; they had “probably upset a lot of people” by being a family of 17 who were receiving state benefits. “I suspect they have many enemies out there because they were seen to be on benefits,” she suggested. With the country in such a dire financial state, “People have seen families – maybe like this – wanting to take advantage.” Referring to the “culture of the family” and the fact they had brought “attention to themselves”, Malone concluded that “six innocent children have died as a result”. 

Although I won’t try and argue that there isn’t a free-rider issue, of course there is, it’s a basic economic issue when goods are provided free-of-charge, the way in which Malone attacked the family showing no compassion was completely outrageous and insensitive. Malone, after the Karen Matthews incident claimed to “live next to a council estate full of people like Karen Matthews” implying that they’re some kind of sub-human race. She later confirmed this view by saying that they are “sub (human) class that now exists in the murkiest, darkest corners of this country”, as though Karen Matthews is some how representative of all people in Britain. 

However, much like Mitt Romney’s facts and figures were inaccurate when attacking similar sects of American society, so were, too, Malone’s. A recent study showed that just 3.4% of families in long-term receipt of benefits have four or more families. So where does the real issue lie? 

Prejudice against those receiving benefits is rife in Cameron’s austerity Britain. Rather than attacking the root cause of the issue, Cameron turned attention to public spending as the cause of financial dismay. However, the issue arose when he had to justify cuts to welfare, and so a campaign of demonisation had to be enforced in order to crush sympathy.  A campaign of people scrounging from the state whilst taking multiple holidays on low-budget airlines whilst having several humongous TV’s paid for courtesy of the taxpayer. 

Yes, benefit fraud exists (and the government should know..). But according to the Government’s estimates it accounts for only less than 1% of welfare spending, but the absolute extreme examples are passed off as representative of the fraud. We’ve seen Sunday Times articles in which journalists have blazoned their perverse views of the benefit system and argued that they wish to turn disabled in order to earn as much as “they” do; when in fact this is all nonsensical propaganda. It’s belligerent journalism like this which leads to prejudice against the most indigent and destitute people who, without the support of the state, would simply suffer an unimaginable life. 

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Wholly surpassing expectations – The Olympics

It was wonderful to see a “Closing Ceremony”, rather than a “Closing down ceremony”, which many people were expecting. Me included. I’ll be honest, I never really expected the Olympics to be as successful as they were. Not just in terms of medals won and where we appeared on the medal table – but, rather, because we couldn’t afford the event (again) and pulled it out of the bag and showed the world we are pretty good – again.

One of the highlights of the event was the Royals and the government. We weren’t the whole super boring, serious Conservative nation we may have once been (were, depending on your view). The Queen parachuted for us and that said to the world “Yes, we do start illegal wars; we do owe you a lot of money; we did spill oil everywhere and endangered a lot of animals; but can your royal family do this!?”. A great cutaway was Dave, Boris and Ed and their wives dancing to Spice Girls:

Cameron looks somewhat uncomfortable in his dance; but, Boris! He’s loving his time. After his opening speech before the games began, his reputation has shot up; can I smell a new Conservative party leader!? It smells like freshly trimmed roses, frankincense, and the souls of urban London orphans.

With all this in mind, now the Olympic flame has gone out, has Britain’s flame faded along with it?

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Don’t worry. Keep your head up. It’ll be okay.

Apparently so, anyway. This is what Labour’s new policy seems to be, it doesn’t have too much to it. What Labour have suggested is “remain optimistic”, which is pretty obvious considering it probably couldn’t get that much worse. What Milliband should have probably said was “We’re close to rock bottom, really. It could get a little bit bumpier, double dip, few recessionary measures handled by that Etonian and his best mates in their ‘light-handed manner’, EU issues, but nothing we’ve not had to deal with; three more years to go and we might just get me to sort things out”.

Oh, Eddie, how I love your charismatic approach to serious issues. I myself am a strong Labour supporter. I do, in fact, hope at the General Election of 2015 that Milliband finds his voice and does something great and pulls a trick out of the bag, or at least Cameron to gets into a limousine and calls someone from Bradford a peasant (I can dream!). At the same time, I also hope good ol’ Eddie stops being such a tool and starts working things out properly. I hope he realises his manifesto isn’t that great, Ball’s and His ideas are on par with Cameron’s and Osborne’s and he can continue to slate Cameron as much as he likes but until he finds some sort of better alternative I suggest he does what the rest of us are having to do and deal with it.

Being completely honest, I can already predict some extent of the speech. It’ll go along the lines of Him saying we need to help the squeezed middle class and encourage public spending. He’ll target the public sector and defend them to his death bed because, after all, he’s a socialist (in the New Labour sense) and that’s what we do. Sadly, however, he’ll fall into the “tax and spend” trap which never really solves anything. Cameron tried encouraging public spending earlier last year and it really didn’t do much for the economy.

What I suggest is he edges on the debt relief side of things (providing Cameron doesn’t already use this). It was around the ’80’s when a lot of money was given to Sudan and over the years after changing interest rates, the debt rose to £678 million. Sudan have asked for debt relief, now if Britain essentially say “okay, you don’t owe us it, providing this contributes towards the target of spending 0.7 per cent of the national income”. That could effectively help Britain “cancel out” some of our debt and get us on track for targets.

We’ll see what 2012 has to offer for us, but I suspect internationally it’s going to be rather interesting.

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The ‘Iron’ Lady

Thatcher’s nickname, the Iron Lady, has been totally misconstrued, according to newly released Cabinet documents. The newly released documents were forced to be released under the 30-year act, or something of a similar name (apparently Parliament have a imagination barrier). The documents show that after a total refurbishment of £2,000 to the Downing Street flat, Thatcher begged, argued even, to pay for a £19 ironing board, hence the name Iron Lady. It’s rather IRONic that she was willing to pay such a small expense; the documents released show that she had the carpets seamed, a chair cleaned, the crockery replaced and other things. It seems like they didn’t actually refurbish the flat at all, what they really did was clean a few bits and bobs and kept it secret for 30 years because, after all, there’s nothing you can do about it now.

I just wanted to make it perfectly clear that her name is IRONic. She came and tried to straighten out the creases of the British society and ended up doing nothing but putting a good old stain that can’t be removed. Well done, Thatcher! Good on you!

Refurbishment used in the loosest sense of the word.

The 'Iron' Lady.

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Clegg’s Open Society.

Clegg on society

Clegg is attempting to do what Cameron failed with to do with the Big Society - with a different name, of course.

Due to Clegg lacking the ability to think for himself, he’s decided to target what annoyed every citizen of Britain by talking about the “Big Society”, except, of course, with a different name. Below is a ‘transcript’ of his speech at the annual Demos Lecture.

“Let me begin by thanking the Demos and the Open Society Foundation for inviting me to speak here today – I’m glad somebody wants to listen to me, it’s a lot different in parliament. The good thing about getting somebody who doesn’t speak that often is we try our best. It’s like having sex with an overweight lady – not that I’d know anything about that!

The values of the open society: the same thing that Cameron said about the Big Society. I don’t quite remember all of them but I think it has something to do with social mobility and pluralism. And, of course, reflecting on the past events that recently occurred due to the recent cuts.

Time’s are extremely difficult at the moment. The economic situation of not just Britain but the world as a whole usually leads to one thing – separatism, populism and an “us versus them” mentality (I say that because I can’t think of anything more intelligent to say). However, a great thing to come out of the general election was me, due to me being liberal. I have no idea why, but that’s what it says here.

Liberals are good. Apparently, anyway. It’s not just because we’re complete pushovers, or because we make numerous u-turns constantly, it’s because we unite the country in a common hatred against our ridiculous policies. The far right boast of elitism, the far left boast of education and the NHS, we boast of saying “hey! That’s a great idea, lets do it! Nevermind, back to the way we were!” and, of course, lying, but what party doesn’t do that!?

However, when times are difficult, we have to remain optimistic – I mean, christ, the bloody policies aren’t working and we haven’t got any money so we may as well rely on what’s free! Not only must we rely on optimism, though, we must work together; as one; as a United Kingdom. Don’t worry, we can forget about it once we’re back on stable ground. We can all go back to hating each other and stop pretending, but for now, let’s just be okay with each other.

People change politics. They change the way things are done. Public opinion can completely disintegrate an idea that took months to establish within seconds. If we work as a union, as a true public, we can get things done, because otherwise no politician is going to do it, all we want is a brand new moat and another flat in Kensington.

If we’re an open society, a society that accepts all ideas and works as one to reach a common goal, we can be out of this mess in no time. We can be voting Liberals and everything will go back to 1900. Oh, those were the days. The Raj, lots of money, everything was swimming – besides, of course, that bloody Kaiser who wanted lots of our land.

Hitler talked of an open society, probably. Being a socialist he loved people – obviously not all of them, but nevermind. He got Germany back on track and made it a strong superpower – that is before he plunged it into massive amounts of debt and ruin.

Societies work better when we work together. I know I’m stating the obvious but I’m not actually that bright so I couldn’t think of anything to say.

Anywho, vote Liberal and have a wondeful night.”

He actually made no reference to Nazi Germany in the official speech but there’s nothing like comedic license.

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Letter to the Prime Minister – Richard Dawkins, in the words of Williams.

Hello, you,

Merry Christmas! I don’t mean it at all. I’m sure you’re celebrating it with your family, understandably, even the most devilish of people have hearts – or in your case, a rock. Congratulations on all the bad press you’ve been getting lately, by the way! I must say, the riots and then pulling out of the EU; my God, people thought you went mental. Then (oh, and then) you went and annoyed every single racist in the country by adopting that American term “Holiday” instead of Christmas, because it may offend. Which, I do say, is truly understandable, again.

I’m sure you’re singing carols with your family and reading sections of the bible – the King James Bible, though! No Eton-Oxbridge student dare touch any other! Enjoying it, I presume? Of course not. Silly me to even think you may enjoy something other than making brutal cuts to our economy that, sadly, do need to take place, but in moderation, rather than cutting away like this is some sort of slasher movie and you’re the protagonist from Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. Alas, oh dear David, the low income families of this once great Britain will have to suffer a more Jehovas Witness Christmas this year, without that religion malarky though – basically they just lack presents – but I’m sure you’ll think of something to say along the lines of: “Christmas is a time of giving love, rather than gifts, because no gift is greater than the gift of love” and then you’ll get your good old friend Georgey Osbourne to brag about the “economy seeing signs of growth!” even though we all know its just a fluctuation, but you shouldn’t care about economic growth, Dave, for “its about giving love” not gifts!

The Queen’s speech, tomorrow, I’m sure you’re delighted to know! I do hope you’ll be saying a few words along the way but I somewhat doubt it; a rumbling stomach simply cannot wait for Jeffery’s (your butler) delightful bird in a bird in a bird which, no doubt, he has shot and killed it himself from one of your fathers plots of land, or at least a Lord’s plot of land, in exchange for having a bloody wind turbine in their garden for 6 months.

In other less irreverent news, you gave your speech recently (15th December) on what you call “troubled families” and then that bloddy Dick Peg-leg Clegg only went and copied you in giving a speech on open societies. Good idea by the both of you, I must say! Take everybodies mind off the fact we’re heading for a total shit-storm by talking about things no-one really cares about; but, hey! at least nobody is rioting! I loved that quote “we will not fix these problems without revolution in responsibility”. It was somewhat ironic really because when other people revolutionise, say, capitalism by, oh, I don’t know, “Occupying London” you dislike it! It’s all well and good when we’re revolting in the ways you like. And you must have regretted reading that one out! It”s just asking to be paraphrased by some crooked Daily Mail journalist who probably worked for you once with “We will not fix these problems.” as the headline. Nevermind though, eh? It’s Christmas!

And what about him, eh? That bloody droopy-faced-characterless moron they call Ed Milliband. Trying to get “in” with the Lib Dems by openly offering them to sign some sort of stupid deal that will save us severing the ties with the US and Europe. Let’s be honest though, the US only provides us with Western ideals that we don’t need, Oil, fat people and burger king. They stole our language and defecated all over it, they took our way of life and pissed all over it and then, the bastards, they made everybody fat. Not only that, they drag us into every war they get into and blame it on Communism and Socialism.

I must, though, congratulate you on finally doing something right. Infrastructure is key to making our economy grow; Merkel would be proud! She loves her industrialism. Then again, so did Hitler.. And look where that got him. I’ve got to say though, if you really want to cut the deficit there’s an awful helicopter that constantly roams Salford, Manchester at ridiculous hours hoping to find some sort of wrong-doings but I’m almost certain they never have!

Anyhow, to wrap things up I bid a Merry Christmas to your familiy and most importantly, your pet, Nick. You, on the other hand, can probably just stop doing what you’re doing, realise your policies aren’t working that well, your speeches are fooling no-one and you’re probably going to witness some severe riots in the forseeable future. On the contrary, it gives you the opportunity to read one of those speeches on families and the big society, you so dearly love!

Thanks,

Rich

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