Due to Clegg lacking the ability to think for himself, he’s decided to target what annoyed every citizen of Britain by talking about the “Big Society”, except, of course, with a different name. Below is a ‘transcript’ of his speech at the annual Demos Lecture.
“Let me begin by thanking the Demos and the Open Society Foundation for inviting me to speak here today – I’m glad somebody wants to listen to me, it’s a lot different in parliament. The good thing about getting somebody who doesn’t speak that often is we try our best. It’s like having sex with an overweight lady – not that I’d know anything about that!
The values of the open society: the same thing that Cameron said about the Big Society. I don’t quite remember all of them but I think it has something to do with social mobility and pluralism. And, of course, reflecting on the past events that recently occurred due to the recent cuts.
Time’s are extremely difficult at the moment. The economic situation of not just Britain but the world as a whole usually leads to one thing – separatism, populism and an “us versus them” mentality (I say that because I can’t think of anything more intelligent to say). However, a great thing to come out of the general election was me, due to me being liberal. I have no idea why, but that’s what it says here.
Liberals are good. Apparently, anyway. It’s not just because we’re complete pushovers, or because we make numerous u-turns constantly, it’s because we unite the country in a common hatred against our ridiculous policies. The far right boast of elitism, the far left boast of education and the NHS, we boast of saying “hey! That’s a great idea, lets do it! Nevermind, back to the way we were!” and, of course, lying, but what party doesn’t do that!?
However, when times are difficult, we have to remain optimistic – I mean, christ, the bloody policies aren’t working and we haven’t got any money so we may as well rely on what’s free! Not only must we rely on optimism, though, we must work together; as one; as a United Kingdom. Don’t worry, we can forget about it once we’re back on stable ground. We can all go back to hating each other and stop pretending, but for now, let’s just be okay with each other.
People change politics. They change the way things are done. Public opinion can completely disintegrate an idea that took months to establish within seconds. If we work as a union, as a true public, we can get things done, because otherwise no politician is going to do it, all we want is a brand new moat and another flat in Kensington.
If we’re an open society, a society that accepts all ideas and works as one to reach a common goal, we can be out of this mess in no time. We can be voting Liberals and everything will go back to 1900. Oh, those were the days. The Raj, lots of money, everything was swimming – besides, of course, that bloody Kaiser who wanted lots of our land.
Hitler talked of an open society, probably. Being a socialist he loved people – obviously not all of them, but nevermind. He got Germany back on track and made it a strong superpower – that is before he plunged it into massive amounts of debt and ruin.
Societies work better when we work together. I know I’m stating the obvious but I’m not actually that bright so I couldn’t think of anything to say.
Anywho, vote Liberal and have a wondeful night.”
He actually made no reference to Nazi Germany in the official speech but there’s nothing like comedic license.